I'm sure, just like me, many of you are single, and even if you're married considering children, this message is for your sons and your daughters... We have got to stop blaming all men for the faults in the dating world, a lot of it is also our own (women) doing. In a nutshell, our desperation has taken new heights and it's begun to affect our standards in pretty much every way.
As a single mother, dating has had it's fair share of disappointments. It's always a sad thing to say out loud, "yeah, haha, I'm the chronically single woman here," clearly it's not amusing to me. But what is it? I did a lot of introspective thinking, and realized I can't just label every guy who doesn't work out an "effboy" simply because. I/women have to share some of the blame for the frivolousness that is dating. I'm going to go through some examples where we may have played a part in the demise of our own love lives.
Physical over Mental
Now, you know exactly what this one means!! We as women have become completely obsessed with how our bodies are received. If all we are, are likes on a post or ass in a thong, then how can we expect to attract more than a tool? I'm not saying we shouldn't be able to feel sexy and express that without unwanted attention, but let's use our discernment, and really make intuitive decisions about what we want to attract from the universe. Perhaps not bend over in a thong, and then wonder why your DM's are full of "wyd?" Honestly and truly, we are so much more than our bodies, our capabilities run the gamut. Let's let them see our minds, our spirits, our souls, instead of our uteruses.
Words Are Power
As much as we love everything that's being put out by artists and creators, there are a lot of messages that are put out into our brain space that we need to pay attention to. I know when I became a mother, especially to a girl, my perspective on so many topics, changed. Don't get me wrong, I love my Westcoast Hiphop like the next Cali mama, but I make sure I don't infiltrate or desensitize my daughter with messages that belittle women. I teach her that we are not objects, that we are not our bodies, that we are to be respected. If all you accept from the world, are it's ideals of women and it's visual representations of us, then you will also have to accept the garbage that comes with that. I reject those images, and I reject those terms. Speak of yourself on the highest vibrations/frequencies. Queendom. Take a moment today, and listen to the lyrics of what you groove to, take inventory of what images of love, relationships, and women you are absorbing. Entertainment is only that until it becomes your personal measure of human decency and behavior.
Don't Forget the Power of the SHHHHH
We all know this, but do we KNOW this. Do we actually realize who has the power when it comes to relationships, especially in it's early phases?? IT IS WOMEN!!!! This is biological, physiological, and simple. Every woman can choose to do whatever they want when it comes to dating, and this article is by no means a judgment call for women who enjoy sharing their bodies at any stage of their relationship, this is just my perspective I'm sharing with you. But I urge you, DO NOT GIVE IT UP SO EARLY. Please wait, not because of dumb rules, but because it's so much better when there is relationship and care. By taking your time to build a relationship with a potential partner, not only do you weed out the feeble but you sew into the strong. By making a prospective partner wait, you also teach the value of your body; how much does it take for someone to be allowed into your temple. If everyone in the world decided to honor themselves in this way, we wouldn't be hearing "ugh he did it, and now he's ghosted me!" We are all tired of this story. HE is tired of this story.
Listen ladies, I say all this to say... I love being a feminine expressive woman, I am passionate, full of creativity and encouragement. I want to be adored, admired, respected, cared for, intrigued, and in love. But all of those needs have specific requirements in order to be met; they can only be met by a man of character, of honesty, respect, integrity, and a shared passion for who I am. I won't find that on Instagram with a half nude photo, I won't find that in a club twerking, and I won't find that in a man who speaks of women like they are disposable. If I expect greatness, then I have to show greatness.
We, as women, are the deciders of the hands of those who hold our hearts.
Don't forget your power...