He Loves You, He Loves You Not
This one really took a long time for me to understand, many crappy first dates, actually even crappier second dates, and break ups that make The Illusionist look like a chucky cheese magic show. In between the wine induced comas and conversations with your girlfriends, trying to Rubix Cube your last relationship, you realize there's always something to be learned. While, the horrible partners seem like wasted time, they're not. They are the milestones that get us even closer to what we really want in a relationship.
Fast forward to the moment you swore off dating, there's a peace in that moment, a sense of knowing in that moment, a big glass of champagne toasting your freedom from emotional turmoil. That lasts about one week, before you decide you're ready to get back on the saddle. And you do. You meet a great guy, everything looks like it always does, awesome. One month goes by, two, three, six, now you start to wonder when the other shoe will fall. You start questioning intentions, and putting expectations in place, and all of his actions are second guessed. This is the fight or flight experience we've probably all had. So, I decided to come up with this list of 5 signs to help you decipher wether or not him and this relationship are a complete waste.
1. He ALWAYS asks questions about YOU
Men who ask questions about you all the time, are displaying signs of genuine care and interest. Even the simplest, "how was your day" shows that they're interested in wether or not your co-workers drama infiltrated your happy space, and if heneeds to bring you an extra bottle of wine. This shouldn't be a phase, this should be something that continues throughout your relationship, it opens the lines of communication and reassures your worth in the relationship.
Activities are NOT solely focused on the bedroom
These days, let's face it, most people aren't really looking for a relationship, they mask their physical needs with a sweet face and a couple of nice dates. But, the truth is a healthy relationship involves learning each others hobbies, and participating in them. There should a sense of adventure and fun, exploration within your relationship. Enjoying things together creates memories, and memories create deeper connection.
You Don't Find Yourself Insta-stalking Him
I hate to put this one here, but it's a real thing. Let's not act like we haven't done it, we all have. But thats typically a red flag, the feeling of needing to check up on your new boo, is a sign that there isn't any real transparency. As women, we're totally in tune with how and what we're feeling, but when we are in limbo, we seek to gain some understanding... believe me Instagram and Facebook will give you more than that. If you are constantly checking up on him, it isn't working.
You're Comfortable With Your Flaws
You know that moment, when you wake up and see he's there sleeping, so you run to the bathroom and put some makeup on and creep back into bed, hoping he sees you flawless. Ummmm Mama, you didn't wake up like this. When you've reached the point where you can actually just wake up, and he STILL looks at you like you're perfect... you win.
He Supports and Pushes Your Goals
This is the ultimate score. When you can honestly say that your partner wants you to succeed and won't let you settle for less than what you're capable of, you have officially found yourself in a healthy working relationship. Not only does it mean that he's paid attention to your dreams, but that he wants to see you succeed. Much like a friend who supports you, a lover who does the same has become the ultimate partner.
This has become the holy grail to me and the single women around me, and I don't expect any women with a history similar to mine to adopt this immediately, but don't let the disappointment of the past keep you from recognizing the promises of the future. Do little check ins, analyze if you are really seeing any of these signs, or if the red flags are coming up. Communicate your needs clearly, the ones who can't handle that will fall to way side, and the one who will ask you to expand on it, are just waiting to sit down, talk, and know you even better.