So, you've had a break up, it hurts...in fact, it hurts like hell. Here's the story: you knew you had to end the relationship, but you waited and waited, because it all felt so good. You weren't ready to end it. You wanted more... but more of what? More time? More love? More pain? In a way it's a sadist mentality that we all have, we know it'll hurt more, but still make that choice. Hopefully this will help stop you from doing that again, it's almost never better to hurt later. The best way to end something that's a slow death is to do it with your respect intact, with clear communication, and sooner rather than later. Here's why:
#1 Waiting to break up with someone doesn't change the facts.
When a relationship is over, it's over. Most people will always assume that their soon-to-be ex is going to change, or whatever was lacking will magically appear... It won't . Most of what we are missing in a relationship has to do with a partners need to grow, mature, experience, or understand; and unlike what your parents have told you you're whole life, you are not the answer to every problem in the world. Some people really just need time to live out their journey. That may mean they'll grow to appreciate you in the future, or that YOU might appreciate different traits in a future partner. Either way, respect that every relationship has a season, some are longer than others, but learning to accept a square peg doesn't fit in a round whole IS SO IMPORTANT. Don't let time work both of you into tension, into a having daunting cloud of doom hover over you, release yourself from this struggle! Besides, the sooner you make the choice to end the toxic relationship, the more chance it has at being repaired.
#2 Do it with respect for BOTH parties involved.
I'm super guilty of this, I get so tied up in my emotions, that I rip my relationship apart like a bandaid. I don't want to prolong anything, I don't want to discuss anything, I go into clam up mode, and leave everyone (including myself) in a complete dust storm of emotions. This is not cool. And it's so much more painful. Regardless of which angle you decide to look at your relationship and it's ending, there are two people in it, and the best way to help yourself is to take your time with it. Understand what you want to say and how you feel. Know that the other person also understands what you're saying and feeling. You won't spend hours wondering what the hell just happened. Whatever you do to another person is reflective, it'll always find it's way back to you. You won't feel right. A guilt will creep in and leave you unsettled. The smallest indication of that person being alive, will agitate you... not because you hate them, but because you will know how you handled things wasn't right. It is so much easier to honor yourself and your soon to be ex, to create a space where there is understanding. Trust me, you won't shrink at the sight of their face. Think "Sex and the City" post-it note break-up, it was horrible, disrespectful and didn't help anyone cope with the ending of the relationship.
#3 Know how and what you want to communicate.
Instead of doing the whole, "I can't do this anymore, it's not you, it's me" vibe, actually have something legit to say. Ask yourself a few questions:
The reality is, before you realized it wasn't working... it was, and you were probably really happy. Don't disrespect those memories with a gut wrenching ending, remind them that you are still amazing and mindful, that you are mature, but that you are done.
"Our story was colorful, and while over time the colors faded, I will never forget the rainbow that was us. And as I walk away, I can still feel the rays of the love that was on my back, and I hope to carry that always."